Adults can help children cope in difficult times

Emotional responses to the fear of war and terrorism vary in both nature and severity from child to child.  Nonetheless, there are similarities in how children -- and adults -- feel when their lives are affected during times of uncertainty.

Adults need to help children feel safe at a time when the world seems to be a more dangerous place.  Parents and teachers, in particular, must help youngsters understand the facts about current events, how those events do or do not impact their lives and how to handle their emotional reactions.

Following are common reactions to watch for, keeping in mind that the degree to which children are affected will vary with personal circumstances.

Fear

For many children, the predominant reaction may be fear -- for the safety of those in the military as well as fear for their own safety.  While their worries are probably exaggerated, they are often based on real images of terrorist attacks or war scenes. When children hear rumors at school and pick up bits of information from television, their imaginations may run wild.  Any publicized threat of war or terrorism close to home may also add to their fear.

Loss of control

Military actions are something that children -- and most adults -- have no control over.  In the immediate aftermath of 2001's terrorist attacks, most people experienced feelings of being overwhelmed and/or confused. Children in particular may grasp at any control that they have and refuse to cooperate, go to school, part with favorite toys or leave their parents.

Anger

Anger is a common reaction, and is often expressed by children toward those closest to them, including family members, classmates and neighbors.  Some children may show anger toward parents who are in the military to the extent that they do not want to write letters. Patriotism and duty are abstract concepts, especially for younger children who are experiencing the reality of separation from a loved one.

Loss of Stability

War or military deployment interrupts routines.  It is unsettling, and children in particular can feel insecure when their usual schedules and activities are disrupted -- increasing their level of stress and need for reassurance.

Isolation

Children who have a family member in the military, but who don't live near a military base, may feel isolated.  Children of reserve members called to active duty may not know others in the same situation and may feel jealous of friends' undisturbed families -- possibly striking out at signs of normalcy around them.  Dependents of military families who have accompanied a remaining parent home or who are staying with relatives while both parents are gone also may feel isolated.  These children experience separation from parents as well as the loss of familiar faces and surroundings.

Confusion

Children may feel confused about terrorist attacks and war and dangers that may arise, as well as concern for when the violence will stop.  Additionally, children may have trouble understanding the difference between violence as entertainment and the real events taking place on the news.  Youngsters may have difficulty separating reality from fantasy, cartoon heroes and villains from the government soldiers and real terrorists.  Separating the realities of war from media fantasy may require adult help. 

Adapted from Children and War -- Responding to Operation Desert Storm, by Debby Waddell and Alex Thomas (Helping Children Grow Up in the 90s, National Association of School Psychologists, 1992) and modified from material posted on the NASP website following the September 2001 terrorist attacks.